How much sleep Dads need is a factor of the baby’s sleep coefficient, divided by the mass of the sun multiplied by zero?

Once you have a baby, you’re going to find out. I don’t think anything was as difficult when parenting a new baby as the sleep deprivation. Babies don’t work 9 to 5 jobs. They don’t really do clocks. When they’re hungry, they wake up. A hangry baby is a terrible thing to behold.

Your little bundle of joy, who just moments ago was full of love, is now a screaming hell beast who demands to be fed. Oh, and it’s 2 in the Goddamned morning. You remember 2 in the morning.

It used to be last call at the bar. Now it’s the time when you race to feed that child while calculating exactly how much time you have until you have to get ready for work.

How much sleep do adults need again? Not as much as you might think, but there’s no real reason to test that theory. Here are some tried and true tips to get that little baby back to dreamland as quickly as possible.

Sleep Basics

The first thing to remember about that new baby is that they’re going to be up pretty constantly. They need to eat after all, and what makes them cute is also your downfall. They’re just not that big.

That cute little tummy only holds so much food. So when they’re running on fumes again it’s time to wake up, scream, and head back to the pump (so to speak). You’re going to be getting up so often that you’re going to want to make sure you’re prepared before the feeding starts.

Once they’re fed, get them back to bed.

The baby is not going to want to go back to sleep. Remember how I said baby’s don’t do clocks? They don’t know 2 am from 2 pm. All they know is that mom or dad is there. They don’t know it’s not a great time to interact.

To the baby, if they’re up, it’s play time. So encourage being as boring as possible. I try really hard not to talk to the kids at night.

Keep It Boring

Nothing stimulating. Keep the lights as low as possible, just bright enough to make sure you cleaned their tush. The less you stimulate, the more likely they are to go back to bed as soon as possible.

In the same vein, get that kid out of your room as quickly as possible. I know that there are a lot of people who value cosleeping, but I’m as firmly against it as one can possibly be.

It’s just too stimulating.

Your room is set up for any number of activities that are not conducive to a baby’s sleep. The phone is going to ding from time to time. Or at the very least there are the 10,000 charging lights that you have.

While you might have gotten used to that blue alarm clock you’ve had since college, it’s going to be brand new to the baby. Again, unless you want to find out the hard way how much sleep adults really need, you’re going to need to embrace change.

Then there’s you. You might think you’re pretty damn quiet at night, but you’re not. A baby can hear better than a bat. Every creak, groan, snore, cough, and fart is going to wake that baby. If you can put them in their own room you can optimize the room for a sleeping baby.

We’ve had our youngest sleeping in his own room since he was just a few weeks old, and it made all the difference. It doesn’t even have to be a dedicated room. We put the youngest in our home office, and just had “sleep mode.” All the beeps and boops are turned off, and it becomes baby central.

An Ounce of Room Preparation Goes A Long Way

Make the baby’s room an ideal sleep location. You  want to make it as dark, as warm, and as womb like as possible. This is a great opportunity to utilize modern technology to your advantage

That old cell phone that you’ve had lying around now becomes one of the most useful things in the house. Load it up with a white noise app and leave it plugged in. Ours has been running for weeks.

It’s cheaper than a fan, and just as effective at drowning out all the noise from outside the room.

If you need that extra piece of mind, get yourself a baby monitor and a camera. It’ll be just like the baby is in the room with you, but not to the baby!

These days the virtual parenting experience has never been better! (Make sure to put some tape over all the indicator lights).

Your Baby Is An Active Partner in Sleep

Once you’ve set up the ideal sleep location, it’s okay to let baby learn to settle themselves. Our youngest began sleep training when he was six weeks old. Now, I’m not saying it is pleasant to listen to your little one cry.

But cry they must.

Plus, you’ve got all this equipment to keep an eye on them without them knowing. Eventually they’ll get tired and go back to sleep. When you’re starting out with sleep training you’ll want to check on the baby every couple of minutes (and of course you can watch them on the camera in between).

As they get older you can space out the interventions, gradually lengthening the time up to 10 – 15 minutes.

The key is consistency.

They have to know that you’re not going to come running every time they’re just bored.

That dark, warm, and womb-like room? That there’s for sleeping little one. Get on it.

Ninja Techniques to Get Your Kids to Sleep

Sometimes, a little more intervention is necessary. Babies go through all kinds of issues that we forget about. They get teeth cutting through their gums. They get sick. They make a mess in their pants constantly. Occasionally you’re going to need to settle them more actively.

These are the times where you’re really going to wonder how much sleep do adults need!? So what to do with that fussing baby?

Get a good swaddle on.

Most babies (not our oldest son) love being swaddled. That tight compact pressure reminds them of being in the womb.

Hey, aren’t weighted anxiety blankets all the rage anyway? Same theory.

A good tight swaddle can make all the difference in the middle of the night. If you’re like me and not great at tying the baby up into a tight burrito, get yourself some swaddle pods.

They take the guesswork out of the process using velcro. The added bonus here is that since babies can’t use blankets, this will keep them warmer. A warm baby is a sleepy baby.

Walk the Swaddled Baby Around.

I never found rocking my children to be terribly effective.

But a jaunty bounce in my walk while I held them made all the difference. Babies are calmed by this motion as it again reminds them of the womb.

Hum

Singing might be too stimulating for the baby, but a hum can work wonders.

Humming recreates that vibration in your chest cavity as you hold the baby that they felt during gestation.

My favorites always included humming Rat Pack music, or maybe punk rock if I was really tired. My little 21st Century Digital Boys love Bad Religion.

In Conclusion

Last piece of advice. If she’s crying, she’s breathing. Keep affirming that to yourself. It helps from going insane.

While crying might be really tough on the nerves in the middle of the night it means that your little kiddo is living. Try and figure out what they need, try the tips, but ultimately remember that this stage will pass.

How much sleep do adults need? You’d be surprised. Good luck!

How are you getting your kids off to the land of nod? Let us know in the comments.